Tuesday night. I spent most of today in Owensboro. John Michael carted me around, letting me out at the door. We ate lunch and of course, he had to work on all my technology.

Talked to Jane. She is making some kind of onion stuff that I really want.

Chicken salad and chicken noodle soup for supper. I don't know what has gotten into me to eat chicken noodle soup. It is right good stuff. I don't want the kind with carrots.

I have a lot of books I want to read. Hard to choose.

The night of February 15, 2016. How did it get to be 2016. I'm fine with it but just curious as to how all this time passed without me paying more attention. My head is addled. I say that to people in a joking way I but I really mean it. Addled. I can't think or hold things for long enough to act on them.

I cried tonight when Amanda insisted I make sure John Michael has her contact information in the event something happens to me and she won't know now that have given up Facebook. I guess I need to plan my funeral. That involves Silas and Jason, a reading from A Parchment of Leaves and a song from Jason. Come All You Fair and Tender Ladies. Marianne to read a poem and comments by Amanda, some of that Shit we said stuff. I prefer a graveside service with  all that, a recording will be acceptable, they don't have to be here. Somebody can read Psalm 137:1-6. KJV. John Wayne, Susan, John Michael, and the girls can say whatever they want as long as it is short. Jane will be sad so don't make her do anything. Not sure who I want to pray. I need a picture of Theodosia in the casket with me. I want to be buried in a red blouse, cheap casket, no vault, and cover me with dirt the same way we buried Mama. In lieu of flowers (if there are any) make donation to Special Olympics. I want little flags in a flower arrangement, US, Israel, Wales. And here is the big one, and it doesn't have to be done if it makes even one person too sad. I want this done after dark, Coleman lanterns hanging on the edges of the funeral tent so I can see the shadows.

Alice
15 February 2016
Fordsville kY
11:42 pm

I found this journal tonight. I haven't seen it for years. I have skimmed through and most of it makes me sad or remember how stressed I was. I see I haven't traveled far. I'm still stressed and can't sleep.
I have read a lot of books in the years since i last wrote here and i have written some things as well.

I might surprise myself and write something here. Maybe something good. 

Wednesday night

A quiet Wednesday night. We have a new furnace so we are warmer tonight. The old furnace has been here since 1972. It served us well. Everything in this house is old. I like old things, they are comforting.

No children here tonight. We wish they were all here.

Weeds

I've been pulling weeds today. The weeds seem to like my flower and herb beds. The flowers are blooming. The herbs had to be cut back since they were getting spindly. Hopefully, the leaves will grow fuller now. The basil smells wonderful, I think it smells the best of all the herbs. But the lemon verbenna is also wonderful. And the pineapple sage.

Waffle House

I ate at Waffle House on Thursday. I was by myself and waffles and hashbrowns sounded like a good lunch. While I was waiting and eating I scribbled on a napkin. This is what I wrote:

My alone day

nails clipped, scuffed, made to shine

next to hair, clipped, flipped, curved around my neck, sheared off, the short hair that often bristles when the ghosts tread across my grave.

Practicing being alone, what if I'm the one left alone instead of leaving the others all alone.

Food - my comfort

chatter around the counter, everybody here eating alone, interacting with the waiters, or whatever they are called at Waffle House.

Do these people all live alone, who waits for them, what color are their sheets.

Solitude, lonliness, what is the difference?

Water and More Water

The plants got water and more water last night. We had a fine storm, lightning and thunder, pouring rain and wind. So all the plants should be soaked through. Tonight's job will be pulling the weeds that pop up with all that rain and a bit of sun that is trying to peek through now. I've lost my gloves again but I know they are here.